Just joking everyong... I am Charles Cather! :D

ha ha..  I was playing a little joke in this video.

It's a double-joke.

I am Charles Cather :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNpvsZOMhyI

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!! Welcome "Krstarica" forum weirdos!!!!

As you can see, I haven't posted on this blog in aaaaaaages.  Suddenly there's a spike in traffic and comments and I see that someone has been promoting my site today.

So welcome, and enjoy!

And thanks for breathing some new life into this dead and (almost) forgotten blog

The bottomless pit of Serbian narcissistic weepy self-pity

Serbian self-pity knows no bounds, often finding slight in the most innocuous things.  Serbs love feeling sorry for themselves, particularly those living in America whose ties to the Balkans have become tenuous.

Here's a good example.  Nebojša Malić, creepy American blogger who spends a lot of time explaining how the whole world is against Serbia and any suggestion that Serbia ever did anything wrong is part of a massive centuries-long mytho-poetic narrative that's been designed since time immemorial to humiliate Serbia because everyone's jealous - or something - explains again how everyone is insulting Serbia all the time.

Here he is crying about a report about how Novak Đoković, a Serbian tennis player, is donating his prize money to balkans flood victims.

http://grayfalcon.blogspot.com/2014/07/haters-of-decency.html

somehow he extrudes from this factual, complimentary comment an insult to Serbia and Serbs everywhere.

Mental illness.

A big THANK YOU to all my fans!

Man, am I ever starting to get a kick out of this blog, along with my friends back home especially.

Everyone back home is so amazed at the passion of some of the commentators.  Could you imagine someone writing a [country, city] sucks site about anywhere else in the world and anyone giving a rat's ass??!!  No one would.  LOL.  Imagine, "New York sucks!", "London sucks!".  No one would give a shit!  No one would get mad. No one would bother to comment.  They might agree or disagree or think "this guy is an idiot", but no one would bother to comment or get mad if they disagreed.

So, please, keep the furious comments coming.  I love them and will cherish them as a souvenir for years after I finally leave this dump.

NATO bombing - Serbia an innocent bystander, minding her own business.

Lots of posts on various blogs crying about the NATO bombing because of the 15-year anniversary.

Serbia is kind of like this guy who can't get over the fact that his girlfriend dumped him, moved out and called the cops.  Now, 15 years later, he sits around, underemployed in his squalid apartment crying about what an ingrate lying bitch his ex was, how she was better off when she was with him and how they'll be together again one day - maybe when the cops in charge of protecting her 24/7 decide that their job is over.

It's petty extortion season again.

Seems like around springtime every year the petty extortionists come out of the woodwork.

Every year I get about 2-3 extortion attempts, some serious, mostly just ridiculous.

Usually, it's someone I know who's decided that they can make a quick 20euros from me by either contriving some sort of nonsense reason why I owe them money or by stealing something of mine and asking for money, usually an amount ranging from 20-100 euros and, occasionally, in the 1000s

The annoying thing is, these little scumbag maneuvers always end up costing me more than the other person benefits.

What I mean is, if someone puts a gun to your head and robs you 20 euros, you lose 20 euros and they gain 20.

The Serbian variety of petty scumbaggery always results in me losing that the other person gains, especially if it involves stealing something and holding it hostage.  Ratio is from 1:100 to 1:5000 in terms of what the scumbag wants to how much I'm damaged.

It's always someone I know.  It's usually someone I considered a friend.

I literally can't know who I can trust here ever.


Call the police?  Oh ya... do that and the police will immediately open an investigation - on you!

What happened to Ambassador-Serbia??

His site hasn't been updated for almost 2 months.

His facebook for over 1 month.

Last activity on his facebook is a virus post 2 weeks ago.

Is he dead?

Did he have a mental breakdown?

Cummon, Karl, people have paid you good money to post insipid platitudes about Serbia and you're letting them down!

'Anonymous' commentators

Hello fans/friends/frennemies.

I truly love all the comments I get on this bog.  I enjoy them all.

I wish I could disable 'anonymous' posting.  I could force people to log into google and post from a verified account, but I definitely don't want to do that.  I want people to be able to post anonymously, but I would rather that people select "name/url" and type a name, any name.

It doesn't reveal your identity in any way, but it would be a little more interesting if one could differentiate between posters and it wasn't all just "anonymous".

Would you do me the favor?  :)

Comments are more frequent.

Looks like I get linked from b92.net every few weeks by some angry, I'm thinking teenager (hopefully) with Serbian roots posting from the USA.  It's really boosting site traffic and I appreciate the all the comments - especially the furious ones.  Keep em coming!

Don't have much to say, but the last "last post" has been up for far too long.  Gotta post something :)

Croatia and Montenegro suck too.

So, I decided to have a little trip to the Adriatic coast.  wrong decision.  General impression of Croatia:  a country of people reluctantly forced into the tourism industry - desperate for your tourist dollars, but wishing you would just fuck right off after you've given it to them.  Like Serbs, expecting that you'll loooooooooooooooove their little country because it's self-evidently the best place on earth.  You're swarmed by toothless grandmas at the bus station who want you to stay at their "hotel" who then get furious if you don't take the room because it includes their chain-smoking deadbeat son hanging out in the livingroom ("don't worry, he sleeps on the balcony").

They are fundamentally arrogant, like Serbs.  They don't accept credit cards at major transport hubs.  Why would they?  They've already deigned to allow you into their wonderful country to take your money.  Their bus station, their rules.  now give me your cash and fuck off.  The way-inflated prices for visiting another balkans dump is another symptom of this arrogance.  No, you're not Italy or France or Monaco.  I predict the free market will eventually crush Croatia (after a brief up-tick after EU ascension).  People will visit once but not bother returning for a second visit.

Also, they are hypersensitive about the nomenclature of the language they speak.  Croatian and Serbian are different languages like New Hampshire English and Louisiana English are different languages.  Maybe you could make such a case, but it would be stupid to stamp your foot and insist that they ARE different languages.  Anyway.  If someone tells you "you speak Croatian wonderfully", don't tell them, "thanks, I learned it in Belgrade".  Just a heads-up  :)

Montenegro is Croatia on food-stamps.  Same shit, but with a little less corn in it.

If you're in the region, skip Croatia, nevermind Montenegro.  You get a better bang for your buck in Turkey, especially after this current political situation there dies down.

"If you don't like it, get out"

If you find yourself about to click 'reply' on one of my posts and have nothing to say but "if you don't like it, get out", I suggest you save your energy.  Many half-wits before you have posted the same, so you're not really adding anything.

Same with "why are you here".  I've answered that question a few times in various comments.

If you really can't see how someone could get satisfaction out of the projects they are doing yet still hate the surroundings they are in, then you are suffering from poverty of your imagination.

Even if I didn't actually hate it, which I do, there is so much in Serbia that is objectively ridiculous, why wouldn't I post about it for the amusement of myself and others?  As if there aren't enough syrupy expat blogs out there.

Top 10 google searches that bring people to this blog

belgrade sex

sex in serbia

sex in belgrade

getting laid in serbia

serbian nightlife

getting laid in belgrade

how to get laid in belgrade

sex belgrade

why do people hate serbs

get laid in serbia

"A Bridge between East and West"

File under "dumb shit Serbians love repeating amongst themselves"

Some Serbs love thinking that they have a magic ace up their sleeves - Something that will erase all their poverty, their stagnation, their bad international reputation - and lift them to vaunted heights.

And that is..... that they are "a bridge between East and West"

They believe this literally as well as figuratively.

Now, it is true that Tito, in the time of Yugoslavia, played the USA and the Soviet Union against each other and got tons of forgivable loans.  These loans were used to subsidize a society that didn't produce much and provide a standard of living for the people that was higher than most communist countries.

In the literal sense, this belief is that Serbia is in a key geographical location and without Serbia, the world falls apart.  Serbia is on an important crossroads and nothing can get anywhere without the blessing of Serbia. The conveyance of perhaps all international trade happens through Serbia. This, of course, is absurd.  Rail infrastructure is abysmal.  Most trains go less than 30 miles per hour where the European standard is about 120.  The main highway from Hungary to the north and Croatia to the east is 2 lanes each way and acceptable until it changes to an unlit 2-way country road until you get to Macedonia.  Belgrade doesn't even have a ring-road so all through-traffic has to pass through the city!

More common is this belief manifesting in a more metaphorical sense.  They believe that since Serbia was under the Turks for 600 years and also since they were communist but not part of the Soviet Union or the Warsaw Pact, that they are somehow (still, 25 years after the fall of the Berlin Wall) in this magical position between "The East" (I think they mostly mean Russia, 2000km and 3 countries away) and "The West".

Doesn't matter that they haven't done anything but wars and cry about how everyone hates them in the mean time, THE BRIDGE REMAINS!

What are these people unintentionally saying about Russia?  They they are incapable of diplomacy?  That they can't send their own diplomats somewhere but need Serbia's help, without which there will be no understanding in the world?  What about Germany?  Half of Germany was a semi Russian colony for 40 years.  They know nothing about Russia?  They are incapable of diplomacy with Russia without the intervention of Serbia?

file under "ridiculous"

A Taxonomy of Foreigners in Belgrade:

95% of long-term foreigners in Belgrade fall into two basic categories- Losers and Schmucks.
(embassy staff excluded)

Schmucks.

Male schmucks are guys who have followed their typically-much-more-attractive-than-they-would-typically get girlfriends to Serbia.  Pretty much sums it up. Most of them do some sort of minor online thing - website freelancing or selling stuff on ebay.

Female schmucks (less common than the male variety), tend to be older who met and married outside of Serbia and followed their husbands to Serbia.  This move is usually explained as a function of cheaper childcare, but this explanation doesn't withstand scrutiny.  (why move somewhere to save $800/month and then earn $400/month instead of a normal salary abroad).  Current theory is these men they married are domineering momma's boys who let their parents guilt them into returning.

Losers.

The Losers all have some sort of great calamity or catastrophe that they are running from back home.  Divorce, bankruptcy, death of a loved one, career failure, mid life crisis -  personal disaster of some kind.

I think many of them like to surround themselves with misery in order to make theirs seem less miserable.  Many of these people become hard-core Serbian nationalists that you wouldn't find in the most hard-core Serbian church basement or nationalist kafana.  I must admit to indulging in a little schadenfreude when reading about one of them (www.ambassador-serbia.com) getting bashed by Serbian thugs for rollerblading (ie, being a faggot).

Perhaps a kind of feedback-loop happens.  Perhaps The Losers are happy to tell the Serbs who expectantly ask them "how do you like Serbia" what they want to hear.  Then they get lots of friends.  Then they forget their problems.  I have noticed that The Losers tend to have more stidently nationalistic friends than average.

Dear other expats with terrible impressions of Serbia,

Some of you have posted in the comments enthusiastic agreement with my sentiments and promises to make your own blogs.

Seems like I'm not the only foreigner here who's extremely frustrated.

Please. Don't just promise to make your own blog. Post your bad experiences in lurid detail here!

Many thanks  :)

Change

Common scenario in Serbia:

There's a bakery downtown (Toma) that has a separate pizza counter. Pizza is good, so there's usually a line-up of 5-6 people.

Pizza slice is 1.10 euros (equivalent in Serbian dinars)

Guy at the front of the line as a 2euro bill.

Girl behind the counter doesn't have change.

She harangues the customer for not having exact change.

She has to leave the pizza counter, wade through the people lining up at the other counter, beg her colleague to make change.  Colleague does reluctantly, complaining loudly every step of the way.   Pizza counter girl pushes her way back to the pizza counter, snapping at people to get out of her way and makes it behind the counter  (elapsed time, 3-4 minutes).  She returns the change and the next customer orders.

Next customer pays with a 2euro bill

She doesn't have change  :|


JFC

WELCOME Repats Serbia Facebook group visitors!

Woa.

I'd forgotten about my blog.  Haven't posted in a year and now the comments notifications are rolling in.

Checked the stats page, and I see my forgotten blog has been linked from a Facebook group.  This private/public therapy of mine probably got more hits tonight than in the last 6 months.

Glad you're enjoying.  Keep the comments coming!

Maybe I'll write a few more posts to keep you guys happy.

Belgrade Nighlife.

A few years ago, two newspapers separately included Belgrade in its list of cities with the best nightlife.

Serbs, ecstatic that someone was writing something about Serbia that didn't include the words 'genocide', 'ethnic cleansing' or 'ICTY', or things one typically associates with Serbia, jumped ALL over it.

It is now true for some, a-priori, that Belgrade nightlife is the best in the world.

So....  Sometimes in order to make small talk, and to elicit a compliment about their terrible city, I'll sometimes get asked "So, how do you like our nightlife??"

In a nutshell:  It's perfectly average and there's lots of it.

Most people are unemployed and live with their parents well into their late 30s, so there's lots of people to fill the clubs.  People tend to be physically attractive, so there's eye candy.

So, if you go out once in Belgrade, you will have a good time, or at least seem to.

Problems are:

Serbs are basically a-social.  No one is speaking to anyone outside of the group they came with (these will be the same people they went to elementary school with).

There is no sex.  Serbs tend to be a bit nervous about sex.  Chances of getting laid from a random at the bar are slim.  In my three years here, it's happened twice.

There are no drugs.  ok, so not everyone likes drugs, but they've gotta be around to qualify for the top 50 "best night-life cities


So, no mixing and mingling.  no sex and no drugs.

but it does stay open late and there's lots of it.

So, you're welcome to stay up all night and have people ask you how much you like Belgrade.


I gave up on it a while ago.

"you just haven't met the right people"

Sometimes I let my guard down and actually tell people I hate Serbia.  silly me.

They always look for some "reason", other than the obvious "it's a dirty, dysfunctional shit-hole, inhabited by proud primitives".

I've been here for some time.  I speak almost fluent Serbian.

Let's get this straight.  I hate Serbia because I DO understand it, not because I somehow don't.

Nosey Landlords

Another thing that makes Serbia a village society is how much people allow themselves to ask private questions.

Yesterday, when my landlord was collecting the rent, he entitled himself to walk through my entire apartment, opening all the doors.  This time I knew better and just went along with it.

I've had this happen a few times.  I just come home and landlord is there waiting for me.  wtf.

One landlady threw me out because I was a spy because I travel too much.  I don't even know what to say.