Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Comments are more frequent.

Looks like I get linked from b92.net every few weeks by some angry, I'm thinking teenager (hopefully) with Serbian roots posting from the USA.  It's really boosting site traffic and I appreciate the all the comments - especially the furious ones.  Keep em coming!

Don't have much to say, but the last "last post" has been up for far too long.  Gotta post something :)

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Croatia and Montenegro suck too.

So, I decided to have a little trip to the Adriatic coast.  wrong decision.  General impression of Croatia:  a country of people reluctantly forced into the tourism industry - desperate for your tourist dollars, but wishing you would just fuck right off after you've given it to them.  Like Serbs, expecting that you'll loooooooooooooooove their little country because it's self-evidently the best place on earth.  You're swarmed by toothless grandmas at the bus station who want you to stay at their "hotel" who then get furious if you don't take the room because it includes their chain-smoking deadbeat son hanging out in the livingroom ("don't worry, he sleeps on the balcony").

They are fundamentally arrogant, like Serbs.  They don't accept credit cards at major transport hubs.  Why would they?  They've already deigned to allow you into their wonderful country to take your money.  Their bus station, their rules.  now give me your cash and fuck off.  The way-inflated prices for visiting another balkans dump is another symptom of this arrogance.  No, you're not Italy or France or Monaco.  I predict the free market will eventually crush Croatia (after a brief up-tick after EU ascension).  People will visit once but not bother returning for a second visit.

Also, they are hypersensitive about the nomenclature of the language they speak.  Croatian and Serbian are different languages like New Hampshire English and Louisiana English are different languages.  Maybe you could make such a case, but it would be stupid to stamp your foot and insist that they ARE different languages.  Anyway.  If someone tells you "you speak Croatian wonderfully", don't tell them, "thanks, I learned it in Belgrade".  Just a heads-up  :)

Montenegro is Croatia on food-stamps.  Same shit, but with a little less corn in it.

If you're in the region, skip Croatia, nevermind Montenegro.  You get a better bang for your buck in Turkey, especially after this current political situation there dies down.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

"If you don't like it, get out"

If you find yourself about to click 'reply' on one of my posts and have nothing to say but "if you don't like it, get out", I suggest you save your energy.  Many half-wits before you have posted the same, so you're not really adding anything.

Same with "why are you here".  I've answered that question a few times in various comments.

If you really can't see how someone could get satisfaction out of the projects they are doing yet still hate the surroundings they are in, then you are suffering from poverty of your imagination.

Even if I didn't actually hate it, which I do, there is so much in Serbia that is objectively ridiculous, why wouldn't I post about it for the amusement of myself and others?  As if there aren't enough syrupy expat blogs out there.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Top 10 google searches that bring people to this blog

belgrade sex
sex in serbia
sex in belgrade
getting laid in serbia
serbian nightlife
getting laid in belgrade
how to get laid in belgrade
sex belgrade
why do people hate serbs
get laid in serbia

Monday, June 10, 2013

"A Bridge between East and West"

File under "dumb shit Serbians love repeating amongst themselves"

Some Serbs love thinking that they have a magic ace up their sleeves - Something that will erase all their poverty, their stagnation, their bad international reputation - and lift them to vaunted heights.

And that is..... that they are "a bridge between East and West"

They believe this literally as well as figuratively.

Now, it is true that Tito, in the time of Yugoslavia, played the USA and the Soviet Union against each other and got tons of forgivable loans.  These loans were used to subsidize a society that didn't produce much and provide a standard of living for the people that was higher than most communist countries.

In the literal sense, this belief is that Serbia is in a key geographical location and without Serbia, the world falls apart.  Serbia is on an important crossroads and nothing can get anywhere without the blessing of Serbia. The conveyance of perhaps all international trade happens through Serbia. This, of course, is absurd.  Rail infrastructure is abysmal.  Most trains go less than 30 miles per hour where the European standard is about 120.  The main highway from Hungary to the north and Croatia to the east is 2 lanes each way and acceptable until it changes to an unlit 2-way country road until you get to Macedonia.  Belgrade doesn't even have a ring-road so all through-traffic has to pass through the city!

More common is this belief manifesting in a more metaphorical sense.  They believe that since Serbia was under the Turks for 600 years and also since they were communist but not part of the Soviet Union or the Warsaw Pact, that they are somehow (still, 25 years after the fall of the Berlin Wall) in this magical position between "The East" (I think they mostly mean Russia, 2000km and 3 countries away) and "The West".

Doesn't matter that they haven't done anything but wars and cry about how everyone hates them in the mean time, THE BRIDGE REMAINS!

What are these people unintentionally saying about Russia?  They they are incapable of diplomacy?  That they can't send their own diplomats somewhere but need Serbia's help, without which there will be no understanding in the world?  What about Germany?  Half of Germany was a semi Russian colony for 40 years.  They know nothing about Russia?  They are incapable of diplomacy with Russia without the intervention of Serbia?

file under "ridiculous"

A Taxonomy of Foreigners in Belgrade:

95% of long-term foreigners in Belgrade fall into two basic categories- Losers and Schmucks.
(embassy staff excluded)


Male schmucks are guys who have followed their typically-much-more-attractive-than-they-would-typically get girlfriends to Serbia.  Pretty much sums it up. Most of them do some sort of minor online thing - website freelancing or selling stuff on ebay.

Female schmucks (less common than the male variety), tend to be older who met and married outside of Serbia and followed their husbands to Serbia.  This move is usually explained as a function of cheaper childcare, but this explanation doesn't withstand scrutiny.  (why move somewhere to save $800/month and then earn $400/month instead of a normal salary abroad).  Current theory is these men they married are domineering momma's boys who let their parents guilt them into returning.


The Losers all have some sort of great calamity or catastrophe that they are running from back home.  Divorce, bankruptcy, death of a loved one, career failure, mid life crisis -  personal disaster of some kind.

I think many of them like to surround themselves with misery in order to make theirs seem less miserable.  Many of these people become hard-core Serbian nationalists that you wouldn't find in the most hard-core Serbian church basement or nationalist kafana.  I must admit to indulging in a little schadenfreude when reading about one of them (www.ambassador-serbia.com) getting bashed by Serbian thugs for rollerblading (ie, being a faggot).

Perhaps a kind of feedback-loop happens.  Perhaps The Losers are happy to tell the Serbs who expectantly ask them "how do you like Serbia" what they want to hear.  Then they get lots of friends.  Then they forget their problems.  I have noticed that The Losers tend to have more stidently nationalistic friends than average.

Dear other expats with terrible impressions of Serbia,

Some of you have posted in the comments enthusiastic agreement with my sentiments and promises to make your own blogs.

Seems like I'm not the only foreigner here who's extremely frustrated.

Please. Don't just promise to make your own blog. Post your bad experiences in lurid detail here!

Many thanks  :)

Saturday, April 6, 2013


Common scenario in Serbia:

There's a bakery downtown (Toma) that has a separate pizza counter. Pizza is good, so there's usually a line-up of 5-6 people.

Pizza slice is 1.10 euros (equivalent in Serbian dinars)

Guy at the front of the line as a 2euro bill.

Girl behind the counter doesn't have change.

She harangues the customer for not having exact change.

She has to leave the pizza counter, wade through the people lining up at the other counter, beg her colleague to make change.  Colleague does reluctantly, complaining loudly every step of the way.   Pizza counter girl pushes her way back to the pizza counter, snapping at people to get out of her way and makes it behind the counter  (elapsed time, 3-4 minutes).  She returns the change and the next customer orders.

Next customer pays with a 2euro bill

She doesn't have change  :|


Friday, April 5, 2013

WELCOME Repats Serbia Facebook group visitors!


I'd forgotten about my blog.  Haven't posted in a year and now the comments notifications are rolling in.

Checked the stats page, and I see my forgotten blog has been linked from a Facebook group.  This private/public therapy of mine probably got more hits tonight than in the last 6 months.

Glad you're enjoying.  Keep the comments coming!

Maybe I'll write a few more posts to keep you guys happy.